My posts are more personal than generic and I think, they are mainly an expression of my thoughts maybe to a large audience. So, obviously an incident has triggered off this post - an unexpected revelation from a friend.
I have been grinning about it since yesterday. I was actually not shocked, but very very surprised. Though I am happy to see him happy. I do wish him success and happiness. Wish, I could say the same for myself. Probably there are better things in store.
It has been indeed quite a long hiatus. There was neither an inclination nor the motive to write, so did what most people do in such situations - took a break or should I say, had developed a writer's block :-)
Off late, I caught myself talking a lot about people and thought do I write about people as well?? So, I went and re-read my posts to figure that out. I found that most of my posts are about myself, and this one is no different. I think, that's a good way of reiterating and getting over things that may be disturbing or pleasing.
Anyway, now to the discovery. We all, have atleast one well-meaning friend. It is about such friends that it is said - who needs enemies? I discovered the identity of my well-meaning friend recently. I, do not see the reason as to why, but I am sure that that person has a good reason to be my well-meaning friend. Henceforth, I'll just be careful of my interaction with that person though.
is said to be the only thing constant.It sounds like a contradiction, but on further thought, one will agree that it is true. I think when one changes in the right direction it can only lead to growth. But, yes, for me to change, I have to be convinced about the change. I will not change, just because my behaviour displeases someone or someone wants me to change.Of late, though, I have changed. In the past year itself I have changed. And going by the feedback that I receive from people it must be for the good. I had been thinking of penning these thoughts for quite some time now, never got around to it. But, today, someone reiterated an observation made by a very good friend of mine and I had to put these thoughts on 'paper'. So, here I am writing about change and how I have changed over the past year or so. A good friend 'A' and his friend 'B' and I were part of a lunch group. Though B and I were always cordial to each other, we never were as good friends as A and I are. However of late, B's behaviour towards me changed and A asked him about it. To which the response was - my (B's) behaviour has not changed, it is she (I) who has changed. (Actually, pardon me if this gets confusing, but it is primarily because I want to write without invading the privacy of my friends). If, it were the way, I was earlier, I would not even try to be cordial to a person who has upset me (I still reserve this behaviour, though it depends on the degree to which I'm upset with the person). Anyway, so, I decided to let bygones be bygones and talked to such a person sometime last year, before he left to pursue his career goals elsewhere. After, my break in silence with him, I've had enough number of arguments with him, but each time, I've managed (that's a big thing for me) to look beyond the arguments and talk to him again. Today, it was him who actually brought to my notice yet again the change in behaviour. His observations - I've become more patient, sobered down, have become much more likeable, approachable and sensitive. Believe me, coming from him, these are compliments, primarily because he and I have such a different thought process in almost everything, it is like we always agree to disagree. One last thing, that I would like to say is about my friend A. Sometime back, he reacted to something which I did, in a bad manner. Normally, I would have been very, very upset with him, but I just decided, yes, his behaviour hurt, but I shall not let it affect the afternoon and went along with him for lunch as usual. He was happy with it ofcourse and it kind of confirmed B's observation about me to him. There are still a few things that haven't changed though, my resilience and also my inability to tolerate the idiotic or rather non-existent traffic sense in Bangalore. On the whole, though, I am just glad that I've changed. I wrote this, because, right now, I just need to feel very, very good about myself.
to be anguished
I say anguished, because of the apathy in people's attitude, I don't want to get involved, please don't drag me into this. Such is the attitude when the aggrieved party is a good friend? Does one have to be politically correct at all times?
My take is that, if you disagree or have no comments then do precisely that. If you do need to comment, then a simple comment of this is not in good taste and need not have been addressed in a public forum should suffice.
to feel proud
of myself. A couple of them -
Yesterday, there was a response (seems like a week of responses ) to an email composed by a friend of mine. This response mail sounded like a tirade to me and that too in a public forum. It was about a good friend of mine, so I had to write back. I actually sat down, thought over the contents and wrote back. It was not done in the hope of any payback, but it did, and I am now proud of myself that I did what I did.
The second one, being a friend of mine recently visited my blog and complimented my writing, thinks it can be an alternative career .
As an aside, I had gone to watch a movie yesterday, where the author lands up in an asylum because he is not able to discern the line between reality and fiction, doesn't realize that truth can be stranger than fiction. I am very tolerant towards all movies and this one is no exception, except for the last 1/2 hour or so. Wish, I had left the theatre earlier. to be happy I had composed a thank-you-cum-farewell note, I got a very long reply to that one. Since my note was a basically a goodbye note, a response was not expected. I didn't write back to the reply note. (Phew, I hope that was not too confusing ) However, I received another message today, questioning if it was my 'right to remain silent' (well, these were not the exact words, but couldn't resist putting in that line) now? Hehe, I'll just be flattered for the moment and think, if I do compose a reply.
Sometime back, I decided that, I have invested enough time in something and set a date. I knew then that the end would be gradual. I hadn't considered any external circumstances or the other party's involvement in that decision. There was no consideration in case of a favourable response at all. There was, a not so favourable response either.
I do rue the fact that things haven't moved in the way that would have made me happy. A very very small hope is still alive. I do check for tidings that might make my wishful thinking come true, but the ultimatum remains and I've accepted it. It's is just the burden of the wait that remains. I call it a burden because, I do not want to later on regret the fact, that I didn't wait the time, I had said I would.
It is thus, now a responsibility. I know it is a solace to myself, but I would like it to grant myself that small pleasure.
) to an email composed by a friend of mine. This response mail sounded like a tirade to me and that too in a public forum. It was about a good friend of mine, so I had to write back. I actually sat down, thought over the contents and wrote back. It was not done in the hope of any payback, but it did, and I am now proud of myself that I did what I did.
